Image: Ana Curcan

Energy & Rest: How to Simplify Sleep in Your Home

Maybe you’re reading this article because your child has an absurd amount of excess energy right before bed. If so, you’re not alone. Handling your child’s energy right before bed is key to ensuring they go to sleep with ease and guaranteed quality zzz’s.

Simply put, those evening ‘zoomies’ are a reaction to your child being overtired or their body being understimulated, causing the body to release cortisol and adrenaline (our stress hormones) in order to stay awake, rejecting their actual sleepy-state.

Before we jump to what to do, let’s try to understand what those zoomies are coming from. Ask yourself:

1. Is my child over-tired? Have they missed their sleep-window?
2. Could they have some leftover energy if they haven’t had ‘enough’ movement today?
3. Are they being overstimulated right before bed? Blue-light, sugar, high energy in the home?

Next steps for children who you have identified as having excess energy: One great technique is to match their state and then bring your calm. (Scroll down to Next Steps if your child suffers from being over-tired.)

This means: meet their high energy with light play and then, after your time-limit/boundary, transition into a calmer part of the routine. 

This releases tension, builds connection and provides that sensory input the body might be craving before sleep. 

Some ideas of light play include: dancing to music, pillow fighting, swinging them in a blanket like a hammock, rolling mamma off the bed, L-wall-angels (legs up the wall and ‘flap’ your arms on the floor).

If there was a change happening in your life, you’d want to be involved, right ? The same applies with children, no matter how small. So, as always, involve the child. 

1. Talk to them about changing the routine and adding some playful fun before sleep (let them choose between A & B).
2. Let them choose which book or song they’d like to engage in immediately after. 
3. Explain the limit: show them a timer and let them press the ‘go!’ button.
4. Hold the boundary (it might be hard to stop playing), bring enthusiasm (that was so much fun!), and give it a try.

Here is a script to use with a three year-old:

Some kids might ask to jump on the bed, for example, or something you’re not crazy about trying. If you’re able to give them a ‘yes’ and then discuss the following day whether it was helpful or not, your child will be more compelled to collaborate when you try something different in the future.

For example: “Jumping on the bed seemed to give you too much energy last night, that was counter-productive, which means it didn’t help despite our effort. I liked the idea but let’s try another. Would you like to try wall angels or a pillow fight tonight?”

Next steps for children who you have identified as being over-tired: Our goal is to help children find that ‘sweet spot’ between being well-rested and overstimulated. Being over-tired throws the brain into a dysfunctional state, making them more sensitive to tantrums, outbursts, and negativity.

Bed-time should be earlier if children are pushing their sleep-window. If this modification interrupts your house or family schedule, brainstorm with your partner or fellow parent-friends about what it means to make the right adjustments. An easier and calmer bedtime will make for a happier energy in the home, both before and after the child is asleep. The adjustment is worth it.

Over-tired toddlers can benefit from a solidified calmer routine, so instead of movement to get energy out (as discussed for children with excess energy), try stretching. Stretching activates both the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems, stimulating the body and mind to wind down from the day. Self or peer massage is also a helpful tool. Massages work to release oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine stored in the muscles. Be playful about massaging the temples using fairy hands, relaxing the earlobes by giving them slight tugs, or using knuckle ‘screw drivers’ on the bottoms of the feet. 

Remember that these techniques only work if the parent is on the same level, open to winding down, not simply participating in order for the child to comply. You’ll find your presence and personal positive  intention affect the outcome of this new routine. Hold hope and know that, with time, these routines will build sleep skills for positive independent sleep long-term. Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) has countless pressure points and massage techniques that are appropriate for young children, including making soft circular movements with fingertips on their ‘sleep button,’ between their eyebrows. 

Additionally, relaxation techniques used in yogic practices like ‘yoga nidra’ can easily be used or you could try body-scan relaxation together. But be cautious about complicated breathing techniques used in yogic practices: these are not appropriate for children’s lungs (things to avoid include breath holds, hyper-stimulation using the diaphragm, and exceeding practices over 60 seconds, among others). 

Perhaps this article has also reframed your own approach to sleep and what it means for you to wind down. If your child is hesitant to try these techniques, let them practice alongside you, first, to see just how calming and reassuring they truly are. 

Sweet dreams, everyone.