Don't Be Afraid to Parent
Parenting in 2025 is harder than any other job most of us have ever done. It takes everything we have and then thanks us with no sleep and a mind that can no longer communicate in simple sentences. It’s been made more complicated by the many, many parenting styles selling new answers to old questions and there are more resources vying for our attention than ever before. There are screens in places you couldn’t imagine screens could be ten years ago, and expectations of us as parents that are simply unreasonable.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, lost or just plain tired, you are likely in the majority. As a Certified Parent Coach® it is my mission to increase parental confidence, simplify family life, focus in on what matters most and help parents grow the good. I want you to enjoy your job as a parent, even with the lack of sleep and amnesia. I begin with four questions that take us back to the basics.
- Does your child respect you?
- Trading imaginary places with your child, how does it feel to be parented by you? Does your child feel seen, cared for, valued?
- Do you like being with your kid?
- Manners matter. Are they a part of your child’s upbringing?
These questions are foundational to everyone’s happiness, both yours and your child’s. We begin with respect because respect directly correlates with feelings of safety. When a child knows that you are in charge, making solid decisions in their best interest, they will feel safe. They may not like all the decisions you make, and that’s fine, but they know that you’re keeping them safe.
Trading places with your child can be an eye-opening practice. If you are a parent who raises your voice, is on your phone a lot (we could all be on our phones less) or has trouble engaging or keeping your word, your child is going to feel your lack of attention and respond with behaviors that you probably won’t like.
Kids who are liked by their parents have a healthy sense of belonging. Notice I’m not asking if you love your child; we all love our children. Liking your kid means you enjoy being with them. You’re curious about their take on things, what they care about, and you actively want to be around them.
And lastly, manners matter. It is up to us to teach children how to behave. It is up to us to model good manners out in the world and with family and friends. “Yes, please” and “No, thank you” are a great way to start but of course this is a topic unto itself! Suffice it to say, a well-behaved child isn’t just easier to parent, other parents who invite them on playdates enjoy them too, they are appreciated by teachers and caregivers, and are generally pleasant for everyone to be around.
I was raised in the 1970’s and 80’s. I had a fairly traditional upbringing where manners and respect were on par with breathing. You just did it. To this day my mother claims to have been somewhat unprepared as a parent, but looking back, she always knew what her non-negotiables were. She knew how to build a healthy foundation out of respect and love. She wasn’t afraid to parent, meaning, she said no when she needed to and she expected me to fall in line. Because I had a good mix of love and boundaries, most of the time I remember wanting to do the right thing.
My experience lately, as a coach and educator, is that some parents, when faced with what used to be obvious signs of disrespect from their child, are hesitant to draw that line. They’re unsure how to manage a child who talks back and as a result, two things are happening: the parent’s authority is being undermined and the child begins to run the show. Both of these outcomes will likely get worse over time and, if not turned around, will do great harm to the individual and to the family unit. So, how do we change?
First, don’t be afraid to parent, as in the verb. It is okay to be the “bad guy” who says no sometimes. That’s where our confidence comes in, even if we have to fake it in the beginning. Kids need boundaries. While it’s their job to push them, boundaries actually make kids feel safe. A child who continually pushes boundaries is a child seeking safety and security. Knowing the why behind the behavior can be helpful for parents wanting to make a change. This is where Parent Coaching can help.
Another way we can change an unhealthy family dynamic is through Family Meetings. I always advise talking through what’s not working as a family so everyone’s on the same page and the challenge at hand is given the attention it needs to be taken seriously. Family Meetings offer an opportunity to reset, clarify and try again. When done well, these meetings give all family members a chance to voice their feelings on the topics at hand and offer suggestions for moving forward differently. Parents will have the final say but it’s important for kids, as young as four or five, to be heard and know that their voices matter.
So, if you answered no to any of the four questions at the start of this article, I hope you’ll take a moment to pause and ask yourself, “Are we as a family, heading in the right direction? Do I like the relationship I have with my child? Am I setting my child up to become the adult I want them to be?” And it’s okay if the answer is no, not yet!
When I’m coaching a parent who feels behind, I say this about stepping into more intentional parenting: “The best time to start is early. If you missed early, the second best time is now, and I can help.” Good luck, dear parents! You’ve got this.