What Does It Take to Be Yourself?

A look back at being a teen

My memories about my teenage times are sharp. It was a colorful period, with all the colors splashing at once. Lots of purple. Lots of black.

I never fit in. I studied well, took care of my younger siblings, lived life almost according to the social protocol presented to me by relatives and school teachers from the times I remember myself, but that was an outer outfit of my identity needed for survival and success at that point. It was decorated with tons of musts and shouldn'ts. A portrait that seemed to fit, at least a little. It wasn't fake—I could relate to part of it—but it often served to obscure my real self.

My inner world was nothing like that. Not because I was a rebel, but because I was desperately striving for a different structure of life. I wanted to explore, to be, to feel. To try, to experience, and to get inspired. The given structure had unbreakable boundaries. From time to time I dared to jump over, but of course, in doing so felt that I was a huge disappointment to my family.

For years and years I tried to balance my real and desired selfs and become something whole. I got confused putting so much effort into fulfilling goals and expectations hitting me like hail. I made myself believe that I wanted and needed some things I actually didn't, and made myself forget my real dreams. And you know what? I couldn't become whole until I realized most of the expectations I was trying to meet had no real value for myself. They came from outside and did not align with my vision and my heart. I granted myself permission to accept this and take responsibility for a change.

Shortly, I made an informed decision not to ever try to fit in or live to outer expectations, but to focus on my sincere and authentic vision of myself. It worked.

Transformation of my life structure was full of mental and emotional droughts, floods, and hurricanes. Yet, I'm so grateful it happened.

Looking back, what could be different?

Big changes are tough and there is not much you can do about it. Reflecting on my teen years I come up with these thoughts: 


• Transformation can be smoother and adaptation can be less painful if you get sufficient support from emotionally mature adults.
• It is great to have an adult you trust. It changes the story. People trust those who listen.
• I am a feeler. People with this type of personality do not see value in actions and results if they do not feel the importance, the process, the growth, and do not emotionally relate to it. I wish I understood earlier that it is perfectly fine. I am not the only one, many children are feelers too. Ask them what they feel.
• Teens need love and acceptance. More than we, adults, imagine. Those are essential elements to manage tough times.
• Being whole and being yourself is priceless. Help your teens to find this inner peace. They will thank you later.

Talk to your teens. There might be a mesmerizing story going on behind the scenes.